A Message to Girls that Pass Judgment at the Gym

Stop. Just Stop. We are all here for the same reason... unless of course you are here to take selfies and socialize, then we've got different agendas.

Nothing drives me crazier than when I'm on the elliptical or the treadmill or the stationary bike and the girl next to me keeps peering over at my settings.  Yes, I am casually jogging at an incline of 8 and a resistance of 9.  I see that you're at a 10/12, YOU WIN!  It doesn't make any sense.  How long or how hard I work on my body changes literally nothing about yours.  At the end of the day, I still wear my size and you still wear yours.

I really do my best to not judge other girls at the gym for the sole reason that I don't want to be judged.  I can't run that far... a mile and a half to two miles tops and I'm pretty much maxed out, so when I'm feeling tired of running on the indoor track, I simply start to walk.  Let me tell you, I am getting tired of the judgmental looks I get when I start walking laps... Why are you judging me? I'm not sitting on the couch vegging out on Oreos and Easy Mac, I'm WALKING around the track!  Keep your eyes on your own prize.

Now, I will tell you that I have caught myself a time or two judging other girls at the gym.  Not the girls who walk/run their way around the track, not the girls that elliptical on a 4/5 incline-resistance combo, and not the girls that lift 10 pound weights instead of 25's.  The girls I have found myself accidentally giving the stink-eye are the girls who who are trying to look cute while they workout... and I know I shouldn't judge them, for all of the same reasons that I don't want to be judged: their workout doesn't affect mine, their body doesn't change mine, etc.  BUT for some reason I still catch myself doing it, and I think I've figured out why...

I used to be one of those girls.  I used to feel self-conscious walking into the weight room in front of the guys also working out at the gym.  I didn't want them to see me all sweaty and gross and looking like a total dude. So I would lift less to sweat less.  Then I met two girls who taught me the most important body-image lesson I have ever learned:

Why would I be at gym if I'm not going to work hard enough to work up a sweat?

I was being counterproductive! I was too worried about how I looked while I was working out, which wasn't doing my body any favors when I wasn't working out... good freaking point!

We all need to stop thinking about, looking at, and judging how everybody looks at the gym and we need to start focusing on the fact that we're all at the gym! Right? So, maybe instead of staring at the settings of the girl's elliptical next to you, you should tell that girl to keep it up! She's killin' it! 

Fake Hair. Fake Nails. Can't Lose.

Flashback to my first day of senior year of high school.  I am wearing a white student council t-shirt that matches the DUKE label brazen on the upper left thigh of my unrolled navy blue athletic shorts.  I have on my cleanest and most comfortable silver and green Reebok running sneakers and I have my dull brown curly hair braided back into a skillfully created messy bun.  I am rocking only mascara that I'm not confident I applied that morning or the night before.  I look incredible and the best part about this outfit is that it wasn't an accident.  I really chose to wear athletic clothes to my last first day of high school.

"Why?" you may ask... well, simply because I didn't give a shit what I looked like.  

See, in high school, I was better than everybody else.  I was a three-sport athlete, two-season varsity captain, student council president, mathlete, NHS member, top 5% of my class... I even started a club that focused on teaching practical applications of biotechnology out of the classroom.  I was a jack of all trades and a master of sticking my nose in the air at anyone who cared more about their appearance than about things that really mattered: like books, and grades, and service, and making the most of the academic and extracurricular opportunities we are given in high school. 

Don't I sound like I was wicked fun? Guys were lining up at the door to take me out!

Wait... No they weren't. 

I did have a boyfriend for two years in high school.  Equally as athletic and interested in Nike's.  He was quiet, smart, and joined student council because I asked him to.  We broke up two weeks into senior year.  I don't think it's because he wanted me to wear more make up, but like, maybe it was. 

Flash forward to now: at this very minute I am wearing dark-wash designer jeans (gracias to my bff working at 7FAM), knee high heather gray socks peeking perfectly out of my brown leather riding boots, a gray over-sized J.Crew sweater, and blonde sixteen inch hair extensions (courtesy of Sally's Beauty Supply).  My fingers run across the keyboard with perfectly french manicured acrylic nails and my face - oh, my face looks smooth and bronzed.  Let me tell you, you can't go wrong with Benefit Cosmetics. 

I am, what many men and women across the nation would call: BASIC, and honestly, I like that about myself.  I am put together - at least, I look put together - and I still value all of the same things I valued before. I still read books more than magazines.  I am still a leader.  I am still passionate about education, about service, about athletics.  I am still me.  I just think I'm prettier.  

My sister used to always tell me growing up...

 "It's not how you play the game, it's how you look in the uniform."

 I'm not going to sit here and say that I totally agree, but what I will say that it's feels a hell of a lot better being bad at something when you at least look pretty! Added bonus when you end up being great at something and you look good. And honestly, guys are more attracted to me now.

I'm sure you all have heard a guy say that all they really want is a girl that's 'real,' and they're so over these 'fake bitches' because they're so spoiled, blah blah blah.  To quote another fake blonde after my own heart, Gwen Stefani, that shit drives me BANANAS.  The person that we are should not be judged based on how we look.  Old me, wearing athletic shorts, with God-given curls, and no make-up, was just as smart, kind, driven, and genuine as new me with acrylics, extensions, and Bella Bamba blush. Girls with contacts are just as smart as girls with glasses.  Girls in denim floor length skirts can be just as bitchy as girls in mini skirts. What you're wearing is no real reflection of who you are as a person.  I'm not fake just because my hair and nails are.  My smile is just as genuine whether it's coated in lipgloss or not.

Let me be clear: this is not me giving everyone a free pass to stop brushing their hair and wear men's champion sweatshirts everywhere you go. I think it's important that you dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful.  When you feel good and confident about how you present yourself, others notice that confidence and you invite the type of people, situations, and opportunities that you're looking for into your life.  That being said, we all need to try to look past the clothing (not in a creepy way).  I guess I mean past the superficial mental snapshot we take when we meet someone for the first time.  Maybe, ladies, if we all stop judging each other, guys will stop thinking it's okay to judge us, too.

So, wear athletic shorts or don't, dye your hair or don't, read a book or don't.  Just do whatever it is that makes you feel happy, confident, and beautiful.  Those are the qualities that make a person real, and those who take the time to learn what's in your heart are the ones that really matter.